My Personal Chronological Log of Thoughts

He was involved in this relationship far too long until he cant remember when did it all started. All he can recall is those endless beer and repeating game of poker or dice.

The place doesnt change much. The attendees doesnt change much. The mood, up and down.

He started out just a listener, then an adviser. He recalled those days at the school gate where he would think hard for this friend. That relationship didnt went well, perhaps because of that he wanted this to be successful so much.

Then things got complicated. He met her on the online chat room and they exchanged MSN. He felt like he is a very low hard sell salesman pushing hard for the friend. But it is okay..

Things got worst when she first ditched his friend. He called her up and scolded her why she wouldnt give a chance. That night he was drunk too. He hope the pain will be fast and swift for his friend.

Miracle-ly, they are back on track again the next day. Curious, he called her. He wanted to know if it is for real. She said he was right the night before. She probably should just give his friend a chance. He was thrilled. "Finally!!" he thought.

But they werent couples yet. They behave so but there was nothing official.

Day passes by and they still go out to eat and drinks every now and then. But whenever there is something, anything wrong happened between she and his friend, both of them would text/call him. They would text/call him in the middle of the night, early morning or during working hour just to get the information they wanted. He complies, if that is the least he could help.

Then.. it happened.

One fine night she called him where everything is off record. She kept complaining and he kept persuading. He never liked salesman but he is behaving like the lowest rank of them that night. Then she started telling personal things between her and his friend.

He made his mistake there.

He wanted to lure more information so that he could have a better understanding, perhaps can find a solution hence he exchanged some secret as well. He is really too stupid. He done the dumbest thing.

Even standing as a father, one might not have the rights to tell his son which girl he should marry. But he did it.

Subsequent calls were picked up. Each time more and more information gathered, and more and more leaked. There were even conference call were he was made the silence participant. Once a programmer, he is clear that if the logic sums up, 1 + 0 will not equals to 2.

On one hand, he tries to let his friend realize that the fall could be very, very deep. On the other hand, he still try to hard sell his friend. He cracked stupid jokes to scare him but he did not know it was really fatal. He thought he has prepare his friend well.

Unappreciated, many times he wanted to quit. For his own career is taking off, his own relationship is in total chaos, and his family jumping at him for going out so frequently. Yet, he stays around.

He is tired from work yet he made his appearance. He is running low on cash yet he rather eat instant noodle. He is grounded from having any activity yet he dares the whole family for the blame.

But their relationship is really like the weather these days.. Sun shines and rains just kept switching. When it is bright sky, occasionally he will be invited out to join. When it rains, he is always blamed or suspected as the culprit.

And it all suddenly came to an end that Sunday. It was her decision. But his friend now knows he has been a messenger, and his friend thinks that he relays wrong info and causes the break off. His friend wanted to terminate their friendship.

He didnt foresee all these but he can just accept it. He knew his friend is hurt and only time can heal. He is somehow confused. His friend still wanted the girl, but the girl doesnt seems pretty interested. Should he try one last time to pull them together again? But at that point, he already knew he involved too much.. So he try his best to stay out of the trouble.

Then his friend text him that Friday asking him out for a drink. He did not hesitate. Even though he is only left with $218.45 to survive till the end of month and the drink itself might cost $84. But he think he can still survive. There really shouldnt be any problem.

He took a cab yet still reach slightly later, but it was fine. It was all just like normal. Except that there is additional bucket of beer. That, never appear before. But his friend said he has been drinking like that the past whole week. They chatted.. And his friend said he knew a new girl, even better. He listen. And then he hurried him to go fetch this new girl cos there is really too much liquor and beer and he do not want to go home late and drunk again.

His friend left, leaving him all alone. And the waitress came. $216, it read. $2.45 left after he settles the bill. $216? Then only $108 left to last till end of month, he thought. But there is still no sign of his friend. He called, his friend said the new girl is drunk and he cannot come back and he should leave himself.

But his friend was driving, and he already told his friend he is down to $2.45. His friend just told him to take a train home.

That night, he ran and ran to catch last train, walk and walk 40 minutes to reach home around 1am.

The next day, the girl message him, asking what happened. His friend wrote a blog sounding like he is sorry. His heart soften. That very afternoon, his friend ask him out to the same place again. He thought alright, maybe just one last time. Finish the drink, and end all the nuisance.

He reach 1st. Then the girl came. In the earlier chat she said she wanted to come take a look on the new girl and he already told her not to. But there is nothing he can do. Then his friend reached. Giving faces. Again there is nothing he can do.

They then sat in the pub. All quiet. Watching an MV which so coincidentally sounds like  his friend’s relationship with the girl. The atmosphere is too heavy. He went out of the pub. There’s no point having a session when everyone’s mood is like that.

His friend then came out and ask him why he dated the girl out, he said he did not. They then went in and his friends switching sitting places. His friend now sit besides the girl.

For that moment, he can swears to god with his whole family’s life, he was thinking that his friend will take the step to repair the relationship with the girl. But what came out of his friend’s mouth was.. shocking.

All of them thinks that he is a horny bastard who wanted to fuck all the girls, even friend’s target.

"How many girls you wanted?"

They trashed out on him and they told him the previous night was an intentional setup. Originally, they meant to teach him a lesson which will cost at least $800 but they spare him mercy.

When they were done, they switched sitting places to some other table in the same pub. He was left alone. This is what he deserved, yeah horny bastard.

There is nothing much that he can say. He made some mistakes. No matter what is his intention, no matter what he says, pointless.

It is said that "in the eyes of a lover, there can be no place for a needle". He fully understand that lover might be very jealous. But he never ever thought that friends for 20 years would setup such special treatment for him.

He text them good luck and take care that night. Now he just hope she burns in hell.

Jack, I realized I made mistake. There are things that I shouldnt say but I’ve crossed the line. But what you did to me on Friday is beyond repair as well. I still can shamelessly tell to my god that I did not want your girl. I totally have zero interest. Maybe upon judgment day when we met in hell and you can verify.

Lastly, quoted from your own sms, "and just an advice, stay away from cindy, she is wicked".