My Personal Chronological Log of Thoughts

It has been a while since he last drank. Yeah, ever since he was recog as the horny bastard, he stopped.

It wasn’t a fun thing at all to see other people showing off poker magic, cracking jokes, putting up masks to win a girl’s heart while he just sits like a dumb fart accompanying. Applause when the magic’s done, laugh when a joke’s too cold, fake a smile whenever needed, looks enjoying every sessions, footing bills for girl he is not related to.

He focus back to his career. He join his other friends. He found new entertainment and life is all starting to go well for him.

That very night, fated.

He saw that girl in the pub. Yeah, that superb gorgeous sexy lady, with that sexy lips, killer’s eyes, long and shinny hair, model height and smooth silky skins, most importantly, lead character of the whole horny bastard drama.

She did not see him. Off course she did not, he is just another guy who don’t butterfly around, not handsome, not rich, not tall, doesn’t drive, not funny and not good in sex.

But he saw her, at the same time, no sign of his friend. They were in a group. By right his friend should be there. His friend wanted her so badly, just like going “all in” in Texas Pokers, there is no way he is not sticking to her at such occasion.

“I din talk to him v long leh”

“Is I dun wan talk to him”

Totally not surprising but just didnt expected it to come THAT fast.

She is still the superb gorgeous sexy lady enjoying her youth to the fullest. But, where are you, my friend?

She thought I was kidding.

But I was really serious.

She thought that was some kind of pick up lines.

But.. Can you pick up an angel?

(女):是否很惊讶讲不出说话
没错我是说你想分手吗
曾给你驯服到就像绵羊
何解会反咬你一下你知吗
(男):也许该反省不应再说话
被放弃的我应有此报吗
如果我曾是个坏牧羊人能否再让我试一下抱一下
(女):回头望伴你走从来未曾幸福过
(男):恨太多没结果往事重提是折磨
(女):下半生陪住你怀疑快乐也不多
(男):被我伤让你痛
(女):好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷统统不要好过
(男):为何唱着这首歌
为怨恨而分手问你是否原谅我
(女):若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破
(男):回头吧不要走
不要这样离开我
恨太多没结果往事重提是折磨
(女):下半生陪住你怀疑快乐也不多
没有心别再拖
好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷
统统不要好过
(男):为何唱着这首歌
为怨恨而分手问你是否原谅我
(女):若勉强也分到不多不如什么也摔破
(男):好心分手每天播
(女):可知歌者也奈何
(女):难行就无谓再拖
好心一早放开我从头努力也坎坷
统统不要好过
(男):为何唱着这首歌
为怨恨而分手问你是否原谅我
(女):若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破

我想，我的毛病又犯了。

记得第一次发生时，害惨了自己，害惨了大家。喝酒喝到发了疯似的，每个周日忙到十二点；每个周末喝到四点才回家睡觉。大伙儿都怕了我，都避开我，还不知死活。最后搞到一群好朋友，大年除一晚在警局待到凌晨六点，还得“拍照留念”。

那次没学乖。

这一次，又犯了。犯贱似的，又犯了。

朋友们都被我累坏了。都怕了，都不回我的简讯了。

才知道，我又犯了。

也许，这会好像临迟处死一样。

只有慢慢一刀一刀的，独自一人的，无助的，淌血的，才能好好体会伤痛，才能痛定思痛。就算是把结了疤的伤口再割开第三千六百次，只要还流得出血，只要还能感到痛，就得继续把第三千六百零一刀给割下去。就算是黏乎乎，巧克力色的刀锋已经钝了，你还是得反复的割。

一个人的煎熬，心，也许，才能真正痊愈。

是的，还记得在电影《济公》里，张曼玉拿着发簪狠狠的划过脸颊，痛心的说到。。
是什么样的痛楚，能让人一辈子都不要爱情？
我以为我很懂爱。
历经四五段感情，辗辗转转十多年，结果还是一场空。
每一次的失败，就算再伤心，再难过，我都还能爬起来。因为自己都没做到最好吧？
这一次，心，却好像是碎成粉末了。
累了。
再也不知道什么是爱了。
只觉得一切都是谎言。假的，骗人的。
终于知道为什么一辈子都不要爱情了。
没有爱情的我，能过得好好的吗？
一步一步，我可以走遍天下。一天一天，我可以慢慢挨过。
我想，我行的。
James，你可以的。