站在未来的公路上，风呼啸着，雨萧瑟着，我一路抖擞着，你就像迟来的公车，慢珊的，久久都不见那微黄的车灯。
湿透了，我单薄的衬衫。发紫了，我抖动的双唇。
着急了，我来回踏步。紧张了，我坐立难安。
雨点无情的打进了我的双眼，模糊了我的视线。雷声疯狂的震撼了我的双耳，可怕得像父亲喝骂着犯错的孩子。孤单的我，就要无法屹立在风中，似乎随时都会被狂风暴雨吞噬。
我双手抱胸，往后回望，却仍然一切依旧。
都早已过了相约的时间，你在那里呢？
前方，似乎阳光普照，似乎鸟语花香。
我踌躇着，徘徊着。
等了三年多了。。
我，
是否，应该踏上孤单的脚步离去？
喧嚣的夜市里，他沉寂。
重重的吐出一口烟，他说，你还是不要告诉她吧。
望着一地扭曲的烟屁股，我无语。
他说是成熟的时机了。过去的日子他已为她错过了太多机会。看着买车买屋的朋友们，他醒觉自己的慢脚步。现在，他要把握。他说这就是飞簧腾达的机会，就算得不到她的体谅，他也要努力握紧它。就算没有人能谅解，他也会勇往直前。
望着他们两渐渐消失在街脚的车影，我只能默默现上我的祝福，但愿他和她的故事不会在短期内画上休止符。
农历新年，休假七日，夜夜声歌，不醉不归！他轻挑的吐着烟说着。一边投诉着放假也没法好好休息，一边兴奋的说着自己如何千杯不倒，如何带动全场气氛。
望着一脸愤怒带泪的她，我无语。
他说是成功人士的社交圈子都很广。借着七份醉最容易拉关系。看见自己酒约不断，他说成功距离他越来越近了。
望着他们两渐渐貌和神离的脸空，我只能暗自的祝福，但愿他和她的故事能豆号多久是多久。
三月，她说她要走了，到异地去工作，想要分开一段时间彼此冷静一下。
望着七年来熟悉的背影，他无语。
她说实在痛不欲生。过去的日子吵吵闹闹经已逝去太多自己。看着每一次都不回话的他，她觉得好像在打软沙包。她说，自己太傻。她说从来就没有人看好他，就算他再怎么不好，她也没有放弃过他。但是，再耐燃的蜡烛也会熄灭，她需要时间。
望着雨中她背着沉重的背包而去，我只能感慨世事的无常，但愿她的故事，没有他仍然能走下去。
周日，放晴的午后，复古的太阳眼镜，背心牛仔裤下的她，憔悴却刚毅。
她说她质问他哪来的那东西，他无语。
她说就像五雷轰顶。在不经意看到那东西时，自己几乎晕倒。无数次的争执， 他都否认有另一个她。她说，自己再也不认得他，陌生恶心的亵渎了她冰清的灵魂。
望着最后爽朗离去的她，人潮中我低声说到。。
＂加油，朋友。。。＂
长久的等待，你终于也来了。
是的，我想，我不会谈恋爱。
辛辛劳劳，到头来只是觉得好累好累。我常抱着的理念就是，不管收获有多少，自己要做的就是让对方快乐，因为，感情的东西不是你付出多少就能得到多少的。
所以我常参阅网络上的文章，什么十大男朋友应该要为女朋友做的事，什么九大绝招教你远离吵架，什么十件贴心小动作，什么狗屁！TM什么狗屁！！
怀疑自己在感情上的付出，今天我第一次上网爬文寻找”女朋友的责任”，恒然发现相关内容真是了了无几。看了三四页，就连情色小说都出现了，也没有我要的东西，真令人怀疑！！是你们女人真的好到不需要相互分享，也知道自己该尽的责任，还是在写着＇十大男朋友应该要为女朋友做的事＇的同时，你们根本没想过自己该做什么？
我想，我自己应该不算太差吧？新加坡女人择偶条件算高吧？ 传说中的５C （Cash, Car, Condomenium, Credit card, Career） 相信我都具备了，就连其他有的没有的 Care, Concern, Commitment, Communications, Carefulness, Consideration, Cooperations， Certification, 甚至 Country Club Membership 我都有吧？！
你累了，我帮你捶背按摸，准备温水让你泡脚；
你困了，我轻轻为你盖上被单，调好闹钟冷气，关上灯悄悄带上门；
你饿了，我开了车，吃的都是你想吃的东西；
你闷了，我们看你要看的戏，听你要听的歌，去找你姐妹喝茶逛街，去看你要看的电影，买你要看的杂志，下载你要听的歌；
你说不会写resume，我帮你参考，草稿，完成；
你说想在事业拼搏，我帮你想办法找出现有漏洞，提高工作效率；
你说和上司关系不好，我教你怎样和他谈谈；
你说工作时间不够，我想办法让你到处节省时间；
你说工作压力太大，我安排课程让你有机会转职；
你在公司打来臭骂你上司客户，我一定放下手上的一切，离开工作岗位，到合适的地方和你谈个十几分钟；
你说喉咙有点不舒服，我悄悄煮了凉茶给你；
你病了，半夜里带你去看医生打针吃药，白天里拿假期在家陪你，而还一定只要吃豆腐花；
你说肠胃不好，我每天打电话提醒你吃东西，自己买东西给你带去公司；
你说你有时会血糖低，我买了糖果偷偷放在你包包；
你说经期不太舒服，我就熬了什么四枣水给你喝；
你说鞋子有点不好穿，我就带你去买新的；
你说手提电话有问题，我就带你去买新的；
你说想学打字上网玩游戏什么的，就给你买了电脑；
你说部落格有点单调，我就研究给你加了音乐动画；
你说衣服有点硬不好穿，我就记上心去买了softener；
甚直，
报纸新闻说某牌子的隐形眼镜药水有问题，我就给你换了别的品牌；
你化妆品用都没用完，我已经帮你订购了；
你刚买了车，没交代，我已经帮你买了一切所需要的东西。
我呢？
困了，你三番五次叫我起身不让我睡；
想吃的，你说你煮，结果鸡肉放在雪柜久到最后丢掉，青菜都几乎发黄让我自己泡了面吃；
我要看的戏，你说看不懂；
我要听的歌，就唯一的一首，你说这种歌真叫人难以接受；
我和上司关系不好，详细情形朋友知道的比你更多；
我在周末都需要工作十六小时的peak period，你说想回老家，又不想搭公共交通回去；
我说压力太大，怀疑自己开始患有忧郁症，你什么都没回应；
我在公司受了气，打电话给你，你不是没接就是在那里哼哼哈哈敷衍了事；
我身体不舒服，还得自己一个人开车去看医生，自己一个人在家休息，解决自己的三餐；
我说我脚底痛了年多，你也没回应；
我的旧手提电话有问题，还是老爸把他自己的让了给我；
我有这么一个部落格，你跟本就不知道，问都没问过；
衣服我自己洗，连你的也一起洗，晒；
碗碟都我自己洗，就算是一起吃；
房子我自己打扫，就算满地都是你的长发；
房子问题我自己处理，就算你长期也是住在这里；
帐单我自己去还，就算所有都有你的份；
柴米油盐我自己去买，你只买过零食吧？
我告诉你买了你的圣诞节礼物，你谢了一声，有想过我要什么吗？
难得年终假日终于要到了，我都还没安排要处理的重要事务，你已经和朋友在安排要上那里去倒数２００７。
新年都还没到，我已经在想你离子烫的事；自己的头发却已拖了三个星期，蓬头乱发，你注意到了吗？
倒底有没有人能告诉我，倒底是不是我不会谈恋爱？倒底我还有什么没做的？？倒底我还有什么没做好的？？？
好郁闷啊～～！！！
Few days ago, receive a small booklet from the HR personel about a company nearby is organizing a blood donation drive.
Hmph.. When was the last time I donated? Flipping my small little red booklet, “28 Jun 2005″. Gosh! Time flies!! I didnt notice that it was that long ago already. And I still thinks that I am a frequent donar. What a joke!15 months aint acceptable! A healthy person can actually donate once every 56 days! Which means I would have donated at least 7 times if I remembered.
For those who is reading this might find it funny. “What the heck this fella is thinking?? 15 months’ good enough, I never even donated once!”
Well, read on, and laugh later. Oh yeah, before you proceed, I will have to tell you something first. Just very very basic stuff, one unit of blood donated is roughly equivalent to one pint. The average adult has 10 to 12 pints of blood in his or her body.
Do you know..
* 1 out of every 10 people entering a hospital needs blood.
* Just 1 pint of donated blood can help save as many as THREE people’s live.
* People who have been in car accidents and suffered massive blood loss can need blood transafusions of 50 pints or more of red blood cells.
* Severe burn victims can need 20 units of platelets during their treatment.
* After donating blood, your body replace these red blood cells within just 3 to 4 weeks.
* There is NO substitute for human blood.
* Donated red blood cells must be used within 42 days of collection else it will be dispose.
BUT GUESS WHAT?
This do not happen in Malaysia! Because it will be in need so fast that this scenario does not happen. Yes, our National Blood Bank is really short of blood. Because people just do not want to donate blood. The number one stupid reason is because “they never thought about it”, second stupidest reason being “they are too busy”.
Well, busy my arse man! Think about it, just 1 hour or so of your time could have save as many as 3 people’s life! How precious is that?! You think that few ringgit you donated over teh tarik session last night helps saving many people’s life? Or that few out fashioned clothes of yours saved thousands of naked victim due to tsunami?
If you starts donating at the age of 17, 5 times each year, when you are 60 years old, you can proudly tell your grandchildren,
“Hey, your ah peh saved more than 600 lifes already!”
Can you be more proud than this?
600 lifes, my friend. that’s probably more than the number of people in that LRT you took just now. Probably more than the number of people in that cinema you enjoyed the movie just now. Probably more than the number of colleages you went company trip at Hong Kong. Probably more than all the schoolmates your lovely kid has in his/her kindergarden. Probably one of them is your friend, your relative, or even yourselves!
You do not have to be WonderWoman to be able to lift that LRT that is jumping off the track. You do not have to be Superman to blow off the poisoness gas that is leaking into the cinema. You do not need to be Batman to save the falling plane flying to Hong Kong. Neither do you need to be Spiderman in great dilemma not knowing to save that bus of lovely kids first or Marry Jane first.
All you need to do is just to fill in the medical history, quick physical, donations and snacks! Yes, it is that simple. No evil vilant, no guns and bullets, no fire, no flood.
So, come on, as long as you are more than 17 years old, and weight at least 110 pounds (50kg), you may starts to donate blood at any hospital near you! Because,
ITS ABOUT LIFE!
我想，你记得吧?
三年前在SS2的一个晚上，身穿黑衣的我，在朋友群中，爽朗的笑声，健谈的我。
你看不到吧? 前一刻蹲坐在冷冷的厕所，颤抖着抱头的我。
不知不觉中，我不再开心的笑我爱笑的话题。
不知不觉中，我不再联络我知心的朋友。
不知不觉中，我不再听我爱听的歌。
不知不觉中，我不再去常去的地方。
不知不觉中，我不再谈起我的过去。
不知不觉中，我不再活跃于社交圈。
不知不觉中，我不再是那个快乐的我。
不知不觉中，我成为了你要的我。
不再笑我的话题，因为你不知道我在说什么。
不再联络我的朋友，因为他们会让我想起我的前女友，会告诉我前女友的消息，会介绍坏女人给我，会撮合我和别的女人，会说你的坏话，会教坏我，会荼毒我的思想。
我不再听我爱听的歌，因为你认为是吵闹的，是听不懂的英文；是让我想起和前女友一起学的日文；是和日文模陵两可的韩文。
我不再去我常去的地方，因为那里有和前女友的记忆。
我不再谈起我的过去，甚至否认我的过去，最好我会失忆，人生只从认识你的那一刻开始。因为我的过去让你疯狂，我在认识你之前做了太多你讨厌的事情，我在认识你之前，是另一个我。
我不再活跃于社交圈，因为上论坛会被坏女人勾引，Yahoo/MSN/Mirc/ICQ 会有坏女人要和我搭讪，朋友的女朋友会爱上我，公司的老女人想对我投怀送抱，饭店柜台的女收银员会对我眉目传情，百货公司里的女售货员会借故对我挨挨碰碰，女客户们都想跟我有一腿，新公司里肯定有想跟我搞办公室恋情的女人，大学或研究室里肯定有感情泛滥的女人，街边所有的女人都是情妇，网路上所有的女性都性饥渴，甚至你身边的朋友都想色诱我。
所以，
我只能活在这狭小的空间里苟延残喘。
渐渐沉默，所谈的，都是关于你的话题。
警告朋友们别胡言乱语，最好，不再和他们见面。
用个小耳机，在你没空时偶尔听听从前的旋律。在你睡着的深夜里，孤单看着我想看的影片。
完全和家人以外的女性隔绝，甚至，绝交。
但是。。
你不满足。
你还要更多的我。
你说我对你不够关心，我对你的家人不好，我对你不够体贴，我对你不够忠诚，我对你不再像从前。
但是，
我还能做什么呢?
妹对妈说我变了，姐夫对爸说我没有了从前的光彩，妈说我不黏家，爸说我好像不是他儿子一样，同事说我无精打采，上司说我没了从前的冲劲，朋友说我重色轻友，甚至是陌生的外劳也对我说，”Hey, you looks troubled.”
然而，你知道我不开心吗?
“九月的风吹落最后一片红叶
空虚的灵魂燃尽最后的眼泪”
Everyone feels “blue” at certain times during his or her life. In fact, transitory feelings of sadness or discouragement are perfectly normal, especially during particularly difficult times. But a person who cannot “snap out of it” or get over these feelings within two weeks may be suffering from the illness called depression.
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Depression is one of the most common and treatable of all mental illnesses. In any six-month period, 9.4 million Americans (340 million people in the world) suffer from this disease. One in four women and one in 10 men can expect to develop it during their lifetime. No one is immune from depression - it occurs in people of all social classes, all countries and all cultural settings. Eighty to 90 percent of those who suffer from depression can be effectively treated, and nearly all people who receive treatment derive some benefit.
Unfortunately, many fail to recognize the illness and get the treatment that would alleviate their suffering. They or their loved ones fail to notice a pattern and instead may attribute the physical symptoms to “the flu,” the sleeping and eating problems to “stress,” and the emotional problems to lack of sleep or improper eating.
But if people looked at all of these symptoms together and noticed that they occur over long periods of time, they might recognize them as signs of depression.
The term “depression” can be confusing since it’s often used to describe normal emotional reactions. At the same time, the illness may be hard to recognize because its symptoms may be so easily attributed to other causes. People tend to deny the existence of depression by saying things like, “She has a right to be depressed! Look at what she’s gone through.” This attitude fails to recognize that people can go through tremendous hardships and stress without developing depression, and that those who suffer from depression can and should seek treatment.
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Nearly everyone suffering from depression has pervasive feelings of sadness. In addition, depressed people may feel helpless, hopeless, and irritable. You should seek professional help if you or someone you know has had four or more of the following symptoms continually or most of the time for more than two weeks:
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For many victims of depression, these mental and physical feelings seem to follow them night and day, appear to have no end, and are not alleviated by happy events or good news. Some people are so disabled by feelings of despair that they cannot even build up the energy to call a doctor. If someone else calls for them, they may refuse to go because they are so hopeless that they think there’s no point to it.
Family, friends, and co-workers offer advice, help, and comfort. But over time, they become frustrated with victims of depression because their efforts are to no avail. The person won’t follow advice, refuses help, and denies the comfort. But persistence can pay off.
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Many doctors think depression is the illness that underlies the majority of suicides in our country. Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in America; it is the third leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 24. Every day 15 people aged 15 to 24 kill themselves. One of the best strategies for preventing suicide is the early recognition and treatment of the depression.
Depression can appear at any age. Current research suggests that treatable depression is very prevalent among children and adolescents, especially among offspring of adults with depression. Depression can also strike late in life, and its symptoms–including memory impairment, slowed speech, and slowed movement–may be mistaken for those of senility or stroke.
Scientists think that more than half of the people who have had one episode of major depression will have another at some point in their lives. Some victims have episodes separated by several years and others suffer several episodes of the disorder over a short period. Between episodes, they can function normally. However, 20 to 35 percent of the victims suffer chronic depression that prevents them from maintaining a normal routine.
Sadness at the loss of a loved one or over a divorce is normal, but these losses can also be the trigger for a depressive episode. In fact, most major environmental changes can trigger depression. Job promotions, moves to new areas, changes in living space–all can bring on depressive illness. New mothers sometimes suffer with post partum depression. Birth brings dramatic changes to both their environments and bodies–a combination that can trigger a downward swing in mood. Depression also afflicts many poor single working mothers of young children. These women live with loneliness, financial stress, and the unrelieved pressure of rearing children and maintaining a household without another’s help.
不是从电视里爬出来的贞子。
不是年年二十八巴仙利息的欠款。
不是整整痛了一年不知为何的脚板。
不是年终公司被裁名单里有否我名字。
只是。。
让她看到我的部落格。
因为这里有我。
有真实的我，会泪流，会热情，会说话，能思考，能批评，能梦想，有记忆，有性格，有色彩，想分享，想炫耀，想未来的，我。
这里是最后的角落。
没有朋友，没有家人，没有爱人，没有人浏览过我的网页。
不需要。
是，我变了。
我害怕令人误会的流眼。
我害怕惹人猜忌的热情。
我害怕多说多错的说话。
我害怕逻辑结论的思考。
我害怕触怒情绪的批评。
我害怕遥不可及的梦想。
我害怕折磨煎熬的记忆。
我害怕谈笑风生的性格。
我害怕招人眼光的色彩。
我害怕暗结情丝的分享。
我害怕无能为力的炫耀。
我害怕曾几何时变得黯淡、无可掌握的未来。
我的未来，就只是眼前能看见的五秒钟。
我变得只能活在这五秒内的生物。
五秒钟前的是，我不得不忘记的我。
五秒钟后的是，突如其来的，让我害怕的事。
Weeks ago a female friend of my girlfriend broke off from a
very heartbreaking worthless relationship. Well, pardon me, but to me its really
worth nothing. Something happened, but the result was not to what my mind
predicted.. I cannot debug the logic at all. I’ll throw the condition, do the
math, ok?
IF ((Your boyfriend is reluctant to explains a flirty sms
send by a female)
AND (Your boyfriend approved few flirty testimonial send by
female but rejected yours)
AND (Your boyfriend rejects your calls)
AND (Your boyfriend totally ignored your collasped emotion
while your tears runs like river in front of him and yet he is still able to
enjoy his instant noddle while watching TV)
AND (Your boyfriend told you to drop dead in your
face)
AND (Your boyfriend has some secretive “close” relationship
with other female)
AND (Your boyfriend actually went womanizing while he is
still in relationship with you)
AND (Your boyfriend is broke now but doesnt even care to
work))
THEN
IF (After broke off for weeks, he wants you to
return to him) THEN
WHAT WILL YOU DO????
END IF
END
IF
WHAT WILL YOU DO????
IF you are this girl?
Heck, I am
no female, neither am I those person whose emotion overrules rational. My
compiler will give me straight forward result, an infinate loop of “HELL NO”
until my memory buffer overruns, restarts, and repeats.
But somehow, the action of the girl was… em… not really
in every normal person’s expectation. It is still too early to conclude
anything, but seemingly, the girl yes, fall prey to the guy again, yes, again
but this time fully aware, but yes, again.
No, this aint no those Korean naggy drama you’re watching
over Astro. The story is not ending after episode 12 or so. This happen to
someone in my reality. Sadly, I am no one to this female, not even a close
friend. My girlfriend thinks slightly different from me, she just advise this
girl to decide clearly herself.
Its just like seeing someone happily take down a few plates
of Chuka Iidako from the Kaiten belt, not knowing that its not rice based and
not included in the RM2 privilege bonanza BUT you are just another customer
sitting near by, sipping on your own green tea, chocking over the wasabi, and
having an ilegal double parked car outside the Sushi King Shop.
Aware, possibly resource full, but helpless.
“晓梅要结婚了，这个周末。”
Ken 在 MSN 的另一段淡淡的说到。
长了蜘蛛网的脑袋缓慢的流过一股电流，在某个潜伏的灰白体内，晓梅的脸孔模糊的显现。一同出现的，还有 “CK” 两个字，附带 “复杂” 在两者的连带关系线上。
对啊。。 CK，那懒洋洋的CK。还有和他同房的Yi Siang，还有每天跑来他们房间的Sean, 还有毛毛的Kok Lee，还有Kok Lee 偶尔会抒情伴唱的木吉它，还有阳台上Yi Siang 随风而飘的排球运动衣，永远都热热闹闹的HD508，被Kim Hock 压断的两张单人床，桌椅零落的common room，五点钟下课后宿舍前三五成群的学生们，七点钟远处灯火初明的食堂和图书馆，十点半狭窄的小卖部前，凌晨三点寒冷的网啡，凌晨四点在阳台窃窃谈着电话的Ken，凌晨五点大路旁暖暖的云吞面，慢得掉牙的学生巴士，冷气时好时坏的KTM，Nilai Spring 买五送一十块钱的保龄球，星期六早上来接孩子的私家车。。
尘封了。
基于第一任女友的关系，我尘封了中学的记忆。
基于第二、三任女友的关系，我尘封了大学的记忆。
基于第三任女友的关系，我尘封了毕业后两年的记忆。
我的人生，只有小学和三年前开始的记忆。
现在的我还有什么呢?
老旧的奔腾866，五音不全的诺基亚，还有那去咖啡因的Nescafe。
